“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Here’s a thought-provoking question for everyone: how often do you pretend to be someone other than your true self? Do you find yourself - agreeing with someone’s opinion, even if you disagree, because you don’t want to upset them; not calling out someone’s behaviour, even if it is disrespectful, because you don’t want to be confrontational; dressing a certain way, even if it is against your personal choice, because you want to avoid judgement; making choices, even if it makes you unhappy, because you want to be liked and accepted; doing whatever it takes, because you want to fit in!!!
Feels familiar? We have all done it and sometimes still do, in varying degrees to ‘keep peace’.
Of course, in some contexts, it is necessary or prudent to bite our tongue and keep silent. True. Agree. But that’s not what I am referring to here.
I am talking about living a life being someone who, in your heart, you are not constantly. Conforming, striving to meet expectations, safeguarding an image and in the process losing yourself entirely. Let me tell you this – been there and done that. It is frustrating, exhausting and soul destroying. In short, not a way we want to live.
The hardest thing is to recognise that it doesn’t have to be like that. There is a way out of the dark hole, and you are not alone. The first and most important step in breaking out of the toxic loop is making the decision to do so and taking action towards making the desired change.
I will be honest; the process is not easy. It takes courage, determination and will. However, the rewards are totally worth it, and you will thank yourself afterwards for bringing about the liberation that making the change will bestow upon yourself.
Here are a few steps you can take to start your journey of self-empowerment when you feel ready –
1. Speak to a friend or family member. Someone you trust implicitly and that you know cares about you. Share your experience and what you are trying to achieve with them and seek their help. It is much easier knowing you are supported.
2. Start small – practise saying “no” where you need to (requests you cannot accommodate, being offered something you do not like etc.).
3. When someone asks your opinion or offers you a choice, base your response on your personal truth and not others’ expectations.
4. Stand your ground on small matters (to begin with) like voicing your concerns on a choice of restaurant/venue for a social catch up.
5. Gradually, start to gather courage and speak up when someone – anyone - disrespects you.
6. If necessary – and this is crucial – seek professional help.
What I have just shared is a big challenge, difficult to communicate in a post. But it is also important, a big part of the work I do, why I do it and is close to my heart.
For some of you these steps might seem straight forward enough. For others it might give rise to more questions or be difficult to even consider, let alone act on it. That’s why we at The Liberation Project are here for you. To support you, guide you and facilitate your healing journey in the way that is best suited to your needs. What we offer is not only based on expertise in the area but also understanding gained through personal experience.
I will finish with this one thought that I have learnt through experience – Truth without kindness is cruelty. Being true to self requires neither confronting nor disrespecting anyone, rather only love and compassion for the other but also for our own selves in equal measure.
Forever in your service, with love and light.
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